A dead miracle

A SUICIDE NOTE
"I'm sorry.You are at the cemetery as i write this.You're a brave person Jon..I could'v never seen our baby being buried in the lifeless ground.Our child! Our only child! Who was right here in my arms yesterday..and now he's gone..? I still hope this is a nightmare..but I know it's not.I don't wanna wake up tomorrow to find an empty cradle ..And  wake up every morning and realize this is how my life's gonna be!
After those 6 anxious years of trying to conceive ..and all those medical treatments.. and the hopelessness ...i'm so tired Jon..all i wanted was a baby !I wanted my baby to have all the love I never got. is that too much to ask for? There is no way I can ever have faith in God again.There is no way i can live to see another day...
I have a confession to make.I lied..when i said my parents moved outta country ..and my brother an I don't talk anymore.I don't have a family..I'm an orphan ,Jon.I lived in foster care for years.And the only reason I never told you the truth is because I finally found a person who I could have a normal life with..So I decided to put it all behind me and have a new start with you...But God hates me you know...or i wouldn't have been in this state.Ever!
I wanna apologize to you for everything..i love you too you know..but I guess I messed it all up b'coz I was so exhausted trying so hard for the baby..I'm truly sorry.I'm a failure.that's what I am.A failure..and i have no right to exist.
So, i'm going with our baby.I'll tell him how much I love him and i'll stay with him forever.
i'm so sorry Jon..."
A NEWSPAPER ARTICLE
A 35 year old female , by the name of Jane Doe , committed suicide yesterday evening, after the tragic death of her 5 month old son.It is believed that the loss of her child lead her to take such a desperate measure.
Although the unfortunate part is what her autopsy report revealed today morning.She was found pregnant with an 8 week old foetus. Mr X, a renowned gynaecologist says " it's almost a miracle that she conceived for the second time though she had been suffering from secondary infertility.She was lactating and that is a natural contraceptive.It's almost a miracle I'd say.Just wish she'd have known."
       God knew her though she didn't know Him.He understood her and she didn't. He already blessed her with another child because He knew what she needed.And He cared for her and loved her.If only she'd have known..she would know The Father's heart.
It's so unfortunate , but so true , how much we misunderstand Him.We underestimate His power and authority, and His heart to bless us immeasurably.
Typical human behavior : impulsive.
Typical love of God: infinite.

The definition of ME

Ever felt like the whole world is out there to define you? What and who you should and shouldn't be. What you should and shouldn't do. The defaults of the society. The fact is, all of this is not substantial. All of this does not really exist for more than a fraction of time. All of this is not permanent. Do not let these abstract things define you. Do not let them cripple you. Do not let them stop you from reaching your destiny. Do not let them overcrowd your thoughts and smother your spirit.
When in doubt, say this...
I believe that I am not defined by what you think of me. I believe that I am not defined by who I am right now. I am defined by what God thinks of me. I am defined by what God sees when He looks at me.
I am not defined by the claustrophobic shells surrounding me in my head. The shells created by the society I live in. The shells created by the people, surrounded by the shells of other people. I am defined by the freedom of expression I have been given by God.

I am not defined by the image of me that you had, have and will have. I am defined by the image I have in God. Because I have been, and we all have been created in His image.
I am not defined by my sins either. I am defined by the one who cleanses my sins. Every time.
I am not defined by the choices I make. I am defined by the choice of Him who restores me after every wrong choice.
I am not defined by the good or bad decisions I make in life. I am defined by the decision of having faith in God even when there is no reason to.
I am not defined by the judgments you make of me. That actually defines you.
I am not defined by my age, or sex, or the person I love. God loves me anyway.
I am not defined by the money I make. Money doesn't buy faith. Faith makes everything possible.
I am not defined by the career I choose. I am defined by how God chooses to use me wherever I am.
I am not defined by who I think I am. That definition changes every passing minute. I am defined by who I choose to be with, eternally.

Shout out below if you can totally relate to this. Let everyone know what does and does not define you.

Faith

Thank you Cyrus.
Thank you for letting us look into your soul. With every word you wrote, every emotion you expressed, every time you wrote about God, you gave us a glimpse of a beautiful soul God has created. You very subtly made us experience the most profound emotions. It's courageous, really. I cannot imagine pouring my heart out in a manner that you do and then not be terrified of what happens next. I cannot imagine giving away all of my deepest concerns, no matter how noble they are, and then not feel exposed and question everything.

courtesy-sites.google.com

The courage you show when you speak about faith astonishes me. The quality of faith you have astonishes me. Faith. What is faith anyway? Today I see people having insurmountable faith in the most questionable things you can possibly imagine. If there's one thing i'v learnt about faith, is that the quality is as important as the quantity. Where we put this precious faith is important.Who we choose to take a look inside our souls is important. Because faith I imagine is a double-edged sword when not put in the right place.Thank you for being the one person who wouldn't give up on faith. One person who feels the fraction of pain felt by God when his own creation acts like it's on it's own.
Thank you for going through whatever you went through, and then still having faith and writing about it. That must have been hard. You think you may have touched a few thousands and what is a few thousands or lacs in the whole wide world anyway? But then there are people like me, who feel the same kind of burden you do. And do not want you unheard. Because it saved me and I know it can save many many more.
Thank you for having faith. Thank you for writing about it. Thank you for letting us look into your soul. 

Speak Now - Cyrus H. Merchant

This timeless article is a plea. A need for the day. There are many things that haunt us from our past. But nothing more than the feeling of  'if only I'd have told someone about this..' But if you're one of the lucky few who's never experienced this, then read on, because there's something you need to do. Something we all need to do.
                                                                      Speak now
Just because you do not understand someone or something, doesn't give you the right to reject. Some people are unable to rise above the life that has happened to them. It is for them that other people exist. Every now and then you need somebody to raise you from where you have fallen, it's the give and take of universal balance, the happy heart reaching out to the silenced one, the sturdy mind giving shelter to the broken one, people for people. When this commitment is kept by each individual, unhappiness has no place. But human beings fail to adhere to the help-oath, we fail to see who really needs us and when, and the other person's easy chance of survival is lost carelessly. We are responsible for each other, the bird kingdom cannot brush our blues away, only humans can, together any onslaught can be overcome by us; it's an easy world really. Life's not at all bad as it seems when things are bad, if only people would be there for people. 
 It takes two tiny keys to unlock any door. Love, understanding. With these two keys you can liberate anyone from anything. Two tiny keys and yet few use them. Love might be difficult, but understanding? Just because you do not understand someone or something, doesn't give you the right to reject. Because you don't understand something, don't condemn it. Help instead. Because someone is not like you, don't condemn them. Help instead. The house of God has many rooms, take yours and help those who can't find theirs, towards theirs. As Akhtar wrote last week, "every person is just short of one happiness, every house short of just one room." everyone can have everything they want, if others help them getting it. Help others get what they want and you will have what you want. I am prompted to say the above after watching Mira Nair's (she who stole our table and made us wait for our crabs and fried surmai) brilliant film monsoon wedding. This is an Indian home and an Indian wedding, we are all like that, everything is not right, this is reality, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun was an apology. Crafted by an international crew and an ensemble of talented Indian actors. This is real families and what real families hide. This is cinema at it's best, with edge, authenticity, shot on 16 mm but larger than life; on the surface is all the preparation and pomp, underneath is the truth of our lives; we do what we don't want to do, go through with what we don't want to go through with, only because of appearances. Huh! Appearances , the great Indian motivator! 

credits-blush.com

 More people than will speak are victims of child abuse. More Indian girls and boys have been violated by an elder in the family than we will publicly know. And most endure the private hell because they won't shatter the family's heaven. Here too it goes the same way, until towards a refreshing climax, the young woman is unable to hide anymore and exposes the truth and the father of the bride takes the stand: that never mind family honour and society and whatever else. Love and understanding of the one you love comes first; liberation does come, the wedding awash by symbolic rain takes place. Put everything last, put love first and all will work out well. The pak mobeds of fran, pious priests broke bondage with love and truth. To stand by, no matter what. To love with the imperfections. To be bigger than the limitations and more than anything else to be honest and have that honesty accepted even by a society and a family that finds it difficult to, is the touchstone of life. Everything else pales, everything else is small. This is what life is about, being human is about, this is what being a family is about. Sexual abuse, incest, unhappy relationships, dead marriages are burdens. People punish themselves with secrecy, people punish themselves by not asking for help. Speak... And god will make sure someone hears. Just speak. It's time to change, to be intelligent, to be alive, to really honour the good, help the bad and fight the ugly. Fight the ugly. It's so imperative to be mature, because then half the battle is won. It's so imperative to be honest, because then the whole war is won.     People who have suffered sexual abuse need to speak now. People who are in relationships they don't want to be in, need to speak now. People who are in a position to help, need to help now. People need to grow up, India needs to grow up. We can't allow people to be hurt and lives to be damaged just because we don't want to stir the waters. Big hearts, bright minds and a hundred heartfelts and Mira Nairs have tried to help you get it. Get it now. One beat of your honest heart to make the shift finally from unhappiness to happiness. One beat and those two tiny keys. All we're telling you is find the gravitas, grow up, get with-it, take the rope, wake your soul and claim your life. Speak... And God will make sure someone hears. Here's the link to the original published article Times of India- Speak now and God will hearThis is the original article from Times of India, we do have any ownership.

Introduction to Cyrus Merchant

photocourtesy-liberia.com

Roughly a decade ago, in my rebellious teenage, I had never in my wildest of dreams imagined that I would be a spiritual person. But the smiling man in the picture above made it happen.
I'm gonna give my version of introduction about Mr Cyrus H. Merchant. If you've read the column Heartfelt in Times of India then you're a different generation altogether and you probably have your own version and need no introduction.
But for the millennials, here we go. Cyrus Hoshi Merchant is a Parsi author who has been a Journalist for over 20 years. Celebrity and glamour journalist, society journalist, and then a spiritual or soul-curry writer. This man never ceases to amaze me as his work has touched so many lives in so many unique ways. He is one of the very few writers who have been able to successfully break the great wall that stands between God and the most of humanity. Old and young alike.Men and women alike. Zoroastrians, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, alike.
No matter who we are and what generation we belong to, we all need a bridge that connects our soul to the Creator. Something or someone to remind our subconscious of the very Being that created it. I, personally did not believe in the mainstream spirituality and everything that comes along with it. I did not somehow like the idea of God being someone so complicated that man had to entangle himself in the realm of following his religion. And after the whole ordeal, not knowing who He really is!
Somehow, as I wasn't even trying to solve life's great spiritual mysteries and was going through a rough teenage, I stumbled upon Cyrus. I was looking for Lance Armstrong's "My journey back to life" and ended up with "Welcome back to life- Cyrus H. Merchant" instead. Cyrus wearing a brown suit I think, and smiling. The roughly square book instantly stood out.
After 2 futile attempts of reading the book, the rebellious teen that I was, I returned it. Twice. I remember reading two chapters- Something about Mary and another one was about love. Yeah I know. I read the latter one first I guess.And a teeny-tiny seed was planted. Few weeks later when things morphed from bad to ugly, I knew where to go. I went straight to the library and got it back.
Read it from cover to cover twice within a week. And understood a lot of it. This book saved me. The writings saved me. The thoughts it planted in my heart are still with me. I surrendered everything to God that night, just like Cyrus asked me to. I felt His caring hand over my head that night. I did pray for Cyrus like he asked. Prayed that God bless him for he had been an angel.
We need you, Cyrus. This generation needs you.
So that's Cyrus Merchant, people. I'll be compiling his published articles that are available and posting them soon. Keep reading!
P.S. If you ever find this book ANYWHERE please contact me. I returned the copy to the library and haven't been able to find one since. 

P.P.S. So yeah, it was time. And I found Cyrus's book :) God's gift on my 25th birthday! And i DO NOT intend to keep this wonderful piece of soul for myself alone. If there's anyone out there wanting a copy, feel free to contact me. i'll do whatever i can :)